He'll Be Coming Down The Chimney Down?

The snow on the ground and the lights in the tree are a painful reminder that Christmas is just around the corner...and I still can't get into it this year. Maybe it's the economy. Maybe it's that Bush is still "president." Maybe it's because the residents here in Seattle don't exactly exude that holiday warmth (I just learned a new term: Seattle Freeze).

But like the little girl in Poltergeist, one thing that is pulling my death grip from the wicker headboard of humbug and into the holiday black hole has got to be the Christmas music my girlfriend insists on playing on the iPod. Which, up to this point, has consisted of mostly Andy Williams songs. The only thing getting me through that has been dismantling the lyrics of these crazy songs until they seem interesting and/or dirty. For example, in Happy Holidays he sings "He'll be coming down the chimney down"? WTF does that mean? I'm convinced the song is really about drugs. In which case the lyric makes much more sense:

And Santa Claus is coming round
The Christmas snow is white on the ground
When ol' Santa gets into town
He'll be coming down the chimney down.

It's Dylon's Tamborine Man all over. Obviously Santa is code for drug dealer, and snow means coke, and then he comes down...which means, duh, coke with a heroin chaser.

And then there's the oddly sexual It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: "Those gay happy meetings when friends come to call"; "There'll be much missle-toeing"? I can only assume the song is about orgies involving some weird thrusting foot fetish...something that I'm just now learning to enjoy.

Well, Amazon has saved my butt once again, this time by giving out free Christmas music for the 25 days of December. They are still cheesy of course, and in some cases even depressing (you're a downer Charlie Brown Christmas) but they're free and a respite from the typical Christmas music. They add a new song every day and you can download the previous days' songs too! Link to it here: Amazons 25 days of free

I'm telling you though. All of this Christmas music is really screwing with my scrobbling.